Written by the lovely, beautiful, and pregnant Erin Lee Emelander.
Erin is a lawyer and a mom-to-be. She wants Stowey Moms to share in on some of the most outrageous + wild things both family + friends have said during her first pregnancy. ENJOY!
…Smiling down at the fifth positive pregnancy test in my shaking hand. The lines were faint, I’d blink but they were still there, those two pink lines.
Finding out you are pregnant and going through pregnancy for the first time is a wonderful, scary + thrilling time…(hormones anyone?!). It can also make women feel BEAUTIFUL, PROTECTIVE + GROWN UP. You pick the adjective, + there is a good chance most moms have felt one or a combination of those adjectives.
There is also a good chance that if you are or were ever pregnant, you have been the lucky recipient of some pretty shocking + crazy comments amidst all the love, support, + praise even perfect strangers have for you!
Throughout this first pregnancy I have had fun keeping a journal that includes topics such as “weird cravings”, “funny symptoms”, “dreams”, “kick frequencies”, + “DID YOU REALLY JUST SAY THAT COMMENTS” .
What follows is a list of shocking + laughable things that have been said to me. Diarrhea of the mouth is what I believe they might have. I can’t believe my pregnancy has given them a license to run wild vocalizing their every thought..to me!
Commenting about my body + my pregnancy is not your playground… NEVER EVER say the following, nor something similar, alike, akin, nor resembling, the following, to a pregnant person, and much less a Stowey Mom:
Entitled Person One: An elderly female court employee. I was at a contentious and emotionally taxing family court hearing. She briskly and boldly walked up to me, looked me up and down, + in front of my client + another attorney, said:
(The message here is that my beauty supply HAS been tapped + is now being visibly siphoned away by my unborn female child. UNREAL. I think I look just fine + so does my husband + Stowey Moms.)
Entitled Person Number Two: A lady stared at my stomach as we were about to enter the courtroom when I was 30 weeks + obviously looked + felt very pregnant.
“My husband and I were just commenting on how big you got after you got married but now we know you were pregnant so its o.k.”
( “Oh? Well what a relief”. )
Entitled Person Number Three: A female friend who has always been very conscious about being thin + to whom being thin is a person’s measure of life success + who does not want to “ruin” her body by having children. She says these things under the guise of “just saying” or “keeping it real”.
“If you keep eating like that you’re gonna have a fifteen pound baby!”
(Oh no. I WILL NOT put down my French fries! …not a chance lady…Can you blame me?)
Entitled Person Number Four: A family member. This was said, on Christmas, to my husband , in my presence, about my body.
“Don’t worry Hal, she’ll bounce right back to the woman that you married. You know when you married her it was because she was thin + beautiful…(long pause)…She’ll be back in a swim suit in no time.”
(Apparently, I lured my husband into marriage by wearing swimsuits + holding on to any baby weight post pregnancy will void our wedding vows. OMG. My husband made sure to tell me later that this was not, in fact, why he married me. He still thinks I’m beautiful.)
I guess the pregnancy comments aren’t always without their silver lining.
Entitled Person Number Five: A female colleague who has kids of her own + probably knows better, but couldn’t help herself. She has a faux air.. you know …those people that “say things out of concern” for you? If you are one of these women…come closer..+ LOOK AT ME + HEAR ME..LOUD + CLEAR…#BYEFELICIA. Everyone knows you don’t feel concern ..ok?
(Yes, fellow mom attorney. I’m in court, in my suit ,with my files, + I’m still working just like you did when you were pregnant 3x ‘s before.)
Entitled Person Number Six: A mom at a sporting event I attended for a family member. I did not know her, but she knew me.
“You must be kicking yourself for bothering to go all the way through law school now that you’re going to be a mom.”
(I wasn’t aware that lawyers can’t also be moms. Darn. Watch me.)
Entitled Person Number Seven: A male attorney who has children + whose wife is a stay at home mom.
“Its too bad your child will be raised in day care.”
(News to me..for sure.)
Entitled Person Number Eight: A man, a random guy..who shall not be identified.
“You should get a C-section so that…”
(Let your imagination run wild with that one, I’ve heard three disgusting variations of where that leads…but the message is the same, “you have ruined your body by having a child and will be looked at with less sexual value from now on, unless you go right back to how you were beforehand.”
Entitled Person Number Nine: A former employer who had reminded me when I worked for her that my biological clock was ticking almost every day.
“Too bad its much too late for you to have a brother or sister for her and she’ll be an only child.”
(Yes, you’re right. At 31 years old I am obviously too ancient to be reproducing.)
Entitled Person Number Ten: She has about ten kids.
“Say goodbye to all your free time.”
(Life is somehow going to be far “less awesome” forever now that I’ve decided to share it with ONE child? …hmmmm. She is probably slightly bitter about something..don’t you think?)
Confidence and tolerance as a result of dealing with these comments is preparing me for the real ride ahead. Right? Truth be told – I do not need approval from others + there is a realization that what they say might be more about them. Those pink lines + my growing belly tell me life is about me and my growing “Joey”. My focal point + driving force are obvious, but …..
Take home point: If you are one of these people, get out of your own way, please. Stop talking to pregnant ladies today, tomorrow, + the day after, unless it’s to tell her she looks beautiful + she is doing a pretty good job of making pregnancy look easy!